Toxic people. We all have them!
And there’s no simple way of explaining how they can be extremely detrimental to our mind, our life, and our overall sense of self.
Plus, when it comes to living our day-to-day lives, most often, it can be really difficult to avoid toxic individuals.
Sometimes they look like something else, sometimes they are inextricably connected to our working or family life, and sometimes the only way we can spot them is by examining how we truly feel.
Since toxic people are hard to spot. You could find yourself dealing with a poisonous friend and not knowing how to handle them, or you could find that you are dealing with a toxic family member whom you just have to deal with.
Or it could be peers of friends at any given time — either way, they are consciously or unconsciously adding toxicity to your life.
However, when it comes to dealing with the negative effects these individuals have on your life, toxic people all have one thing intrinsically in common — they can easily sabotage your joy and your expansion to living your best life possible!
So if you would love to learn how to shake that toxic individual off of your back so they don’t power to bother you as much as they already are?!
Here are a few telltale signs when it comes to dealing with toxic people and 9 ways you can remove them from your life!
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First, here’s what you need to know regarding toxic people!
The only way to rid yourself of toxic people who are currently in your life (right now) is to first recognize that you have the power over your state of mind and wellbeing.
You have the power to decide who plays a major role in your life or not and once you have a good idea of who you believe to be toxic to your wellbeing (taking precautionary measures, of course, because you could be wrong), establish a safe distance and space from them while you figure out your next move.
The whole goal of cutting a toxic individual out of your life is to prevent yourself from being hurt by them by the mere association with them.
And not only that but…
Toxicity is relative to each individual!
Believe it or not, toxicity differs from case to case and person to person.
That means you are the only one who can truly know if someone is toxic in your life. No one else!
Moreover, sometimes toxic people are just there to teach us more about ourselves!
Either way, it would be nice if you could spot one right off the bat! Am I right?!
Here are some classic signs that most toxic folks usually fall under:
- Toxic people will try to control you. People who are not in the authority of their own lives generally tend to want to handle someone else’s. The toxic way these people try to do this is by using subtle deceit and manipulation. Deceit and manipulation can be used on you or used with the people that are in your life already, and they do this to change how others perceive you.
- Toxic individuals take without offering anything in return. These kinds of people are often there to take, as long as you are willing to give it. Nothing seems to be of value to them and you will notice this by every interaction with them.
- Toxic people aren’t truthful. Toxic people usually practice dishonesty and deceit. They will repeatedly be dishonest with you and to others who you know. Sometimes they may not even be aware of it but if you have that inkling and feeling that they are being dishonest and disloyal, follow your instincts — chances are your instincts are right.
Even worse? Toxicity can be contagious.
It’s a natural defense mechanism. Howard Bloom explains in The Lucifer Principle that increased toxicity was an evolutionary adaptation. This meant that the bacteria needed to become more toxic to survive.
However, this term is often misused and you should be able to recognize the warning signs and take appropriate action.
Barrie Sueskind is a Los Angeles therapist who specializes in relationship therapy and says to watch out for these traits that make up toxic people:
- Difficulty to show compassion to others
- Manipulation and other emotional abuse
- Self-absorption and self-centeredness
- Dishonesty and deceit
- A tendency to create drama and conflict
Now that we’ve gone over the telltale signs of a toxic individual, let’s take a look at these 9 ways that’ll help make the transition of releasing a toxic person from your life a lot more smoothly!
Also, if you would like to learn how to set intentions that will change your life?! Make sure to check out How to Set Intentions in 10 Easy Steps next!
9 Ways to Cut the ties with a toxic person
1. Remove yourself to regain your self-esteem.
Nothing sets the stage better for intense personal growth like coming out of a negative relationship.
Rather, there’s nothing worse than being surrounded by people who shame you, embarrass you or bring you down just because.
So if you are trying to find the perfect time to decide who is officially toxic in your life and who you need to remove for good.
The next best possible starting point is to remove yourself for a healthy length of time, so you can process the situation and clear your thinking.
Create time solely for you. Drop the plans you have with them, don’t do fake rain checks, and decide to move energetically away to think.
Doing so will give you the time you need for the sole purpose to clear your thoughts.
Also if you start guarding your time by putting yourself first and always first, you’ll have your first boundary set in place and that is such a wonderful thing you can do for your self-esteem.
2. Avoid playing into their reality.
If you can’t completely avoid or scale back the amount of time you spend with someone, you still have options.
In most cases, when it comes to dealing with toxic people, you can either feel tempted to play into their reality (to avoid a furious outburst from them) or react to them the way you want.
In the first scenario, you will have your cool because they will have the power, in the second scenario, if you react, they will have you exactly where they want you. Unfortunately, it’s a lose-lose situation.
So what’s the right thing to do? When it comes down to it, you can either choose to encourage and support their behavior by playing into their reality OR you can try to avoid giving them the attention they ‘think’ they deserve, by being neutral and not playing into their games.
Ultimately it’s going to be up to you!
3. Pay close attention to how they make you feel.
Unfortunately, most people say rude or hurtful things they don’t mean. And no one feels their best all the time and this is not always considered toxic.
However, understanding how somebody’s toxic behavior affects you (as a whole) is generally going to be a good idea to help you navigate yourself when you are around them.
So if you’re wondering whether their put-downs, lies, or other forms of verbal and emotional abuse are toxic?
A telltale sign comes down to how you feel when you are around them.
Are you consistently apologizing to them? Do they apologize to you? Do they notice how and what they say or do affects you? And vice versa?
Because when we’re really looking at the impact a toxic person can have on somebody else’s mental health, nobody’s personal struggles should justify abuse! And neither should you tolerate it!
4. Have an upfront conversation.
Right now, you’ve probably come to the consensus that toxic people are lethal. But on the contrary, they are great reminders of how to adapt to the world.
Besides, if you are sticking to our boundaries and establishing a good distance from them, and if you continue to practice limiting your interactions with them (as often as you can), and it’s still not panning out?
Have an upfront conversation with them about it. Sometimes tapping into the friction is all you need.
Granted doing this does take a lot of courage but at the very least, at least you are finally getting out what you are feeling!
5. Talk to them in a public setting & have witnesses.
Being belligerent or even violent is not unheard of for toxic individuals. They are known to be strong reactors and most usually like to have things go their way.
That’s why seeking a public setting to have your private conversation with them is a great idea, especially if you happen to feel really nervous about how they’ll react.
Moreover, talking in a public setting can diminish the likelihood of something really uncomfortable occurring.
You can speak honestly and then get up and leave if you happen to run into any issues. And if it really gets out of hand, in public, then you have your answer and you can officially cut those ties.
6. Block Them On Social Media.
Now, when it comes to having a toxic relationship and that toxic person doesn’t want to let you go? Don’t be ashamed if you resort to blocking them on your phone, email, and all social media platforms.
There is no judgment while going through the purging process of a toxic individual, especially if you need to free up your life from all apparent contact.
Also, if the relationship cannot be fixed, then who wants to see notifications and pictures of the person that they’re trying to avoid?
Most likely no one! So again, when trying to transition from having them in your life to cutting them out, don’t de ashamed if you have to block them.
7. Don’t Bring Them Up in conversations or Talk About them.
Now if you really want to disassociate from whom you have just cut off. First, establish a safe distance from them, and then stop communicating with others about them!
Stop energetically bringing them up in conversation and do your very best to not even think about them.
It may seem hard at first but venting will only release negative emotions about the situation that is largely at hand. Of course, venting to your closest allies is a sure way to release some steam and is very therapeutic, but if the ruminating and venting lasts too long, the toxic person ultimately wins.
Not only that but chances are if you talk about them behind their back, they could very well have ‘flying monkeys’ (which are friends that tell them) and that’ll just add to the problem which is something that you don’t need!
Besides, believe it or not, most people have a certain sixth sense that can tell when people are ruminating and talking behind their back.
So try to do your best to avoid bringing them up in conversation when you are cutting them loose.
8. Choose wisely when being vulnerable.
This may sound way too harsh but it’s the cold hard truth — being too sweet and too transparent with someone you don’t really know will be extremely harmful and detrimental to your mental health.
Not only that but toxic individuals always appear to benefit from goodwill (especially if good vulnerable feelings are imposed on them).
These people thrive on generosity, honesty, and good wholehearted kindness. They enjoy vulnerability (more than most people) and it’s because it gives them a sense of power.
If you let them in, they’ll lap it all up, all for a free ride you gave them to use against you when they can.
And if you did give information to this person you didn’t really know well? Don’t give yourself a hard time! If you confided in them when you weren’t aware that’s a lesson learned so you can move on!
Moving forward, just be extremely picky with who you choose to be vulnerable with. After all, that’s a part of life, and learning who to trust can sometimes be a tough lesson.
9. Know That When It’s Done — It’s Done!
Lastly, as it was highlighted in the telltale signs of a toxic individual at the beginning of this article, that these people do have a tendency to create a lot of drama and conflict!
Moreover, if you do let them stay in your life, they will keep coming back for more!
So after reading all the points within this article, now it’s up to you.
Are you prepared to make it permanent? Are you prepared to let them go?
Because if you do decide to say your final farewell — move on and don’t look back!
Life isn’t supposed to be full of troubles and problems, rather it’s supposed to be joyous and fun!
However, if they can change all the better! And at least you’ve set some good boundaries in the process.
Besides, your heart will know the verdict with whether to say goodbye or not. Always follow your instincts and you will always be led in the right direction.
How to remove a toxic person from your life, final thoughts.
Getting rid of toxic people is a mandatory step towards taking back control of one’s life.
It’s not always going to be easy but it will set you on the right path to intentionally create the life that you crave.
Plus once you make the decision that it needs to be done, you can finally look forward to enjoying your life with the people that bring out the best in you.
Make each day count with the people that already have your back.
You’ve got this!
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How To Remove A Toxic Person From Your Life
Author: Everything Abode
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